Botched The Ritual' Shirt (ONLINE ORDER ONLY)

You followed the instructions. Mostly. The candles were correct. The chant was approximately right. What emerged is fine, honestly. It has teeth. It answers when you call. It's polite. A little snaggle-fanged around the edges. Not what was promised but you've grown attached.

• Soft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size
• Screen-printed in the USA with premium ink
• Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

Silly guys do silly rituals. The important thing is that you tried.