Only Hoes Can Smell This Candle | Funny Candle (ONLINE ORDER ONLY)

Because basic candles are a crime.

This candle isn’t for everyone—it’s for the chosen few. The festive, fabulous, slightly unhinged souls who know Santa would 100% be on their close friends list. Only hoes can smell this candle, and that’s what makes it iconic.

Hand-poured locally in the heart of Los Angeles, California, this clean-burning soy candle mixes high-quality essential oils with zero toxins for a scent that’s as unapologetic as your holiday party outfit. Light it up, turn up Mariah, and let your inner chaos sparkle.

The Details:
• Size: 12oz | Burn Time: 60+ hours
• Natural Soy Wax for a long, clean burn
• High-Quality Essential Oil Fragrance for rich, lasting scent
• Non-toxic & Cruelty-Free because you deserve better
• Hand-poured locally in Los Angeles, California

Perfect For:
• Your bestie who lives for the drama and peppermint schnapps
• Funny holiday gifts that make people gasp (and laugh)
• Secret Santa swaps with personality
• Anyone who considers glitter a neutral

CHRISTMAS APPLE PIE 

celebrate the holiday season with the crisp, juicy scent of freshly picked apples, perfectly blended with a hint of warm spice. Bright fruit notes mingle with touches of cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove, creating a fragrance that’s as cozy as a holiday pie fresh from the oven. Whether you're trimming the tree or wrapping gifts, this festive scent brings a nostalgic warmth that feels just like home.

Infused with natural essential oils, including cinnamon, nutmeg, clove, orange, and cedarwood, this is the apple fragrance you didn’t know you needed—but won’t want to celebrate without

Top: Orange Peel, Cinnamon, Nutmeg
Middle: Apple
Base: Clove, Vanilla

HOLIDAY SPICE + VANILLA

 Wrap yourself in the cozy warmth of Christmas with the perfect blend of spicy cinnamon and creamy vanilla. This inviting fragrance captures the sweet nostalgia of holiday baking, filling your home with the comforting scents of freshly baked cookies and cinnamon sticks by the fire. It’s the ultimate way to evoke the joy and magic of the holiday season.

Infused with natural essential oils, including balsam, this festive fragrance is pure Christmas cheer in a jar.

Top: All Spice, Clove, Nutmeg
Middle: Tea Rose, Coconut
Base: Lactonic, Vanilla, White Musk

CHRISTMAS HEARTH:

A classic holiday scent that tells the story of a cozy holiday night spent sipping wine in front of the fireplace.  The essential oils combine orange spice notes from the kitchen, fir and pine notes from the Christmas tree, and an earthy smokiness from the fireplace. It's Christmas Eve, in a bottle, any time.

This fragrance is infused with natural essential oils, including orange, cinnamon, clove, vetiver, and pine.

Top: Orange Peel, Cinnamon, Ginger
Middle: Cypress, Clove
Base: Pine, Fir

SHIMMERING SUGAR COOKIE: 

Dive into the holiday spirit with a joyful blend of sugared red berries, twirling in sweet harmony with rich, buttery vanilla bean. This fragrance is a true festive indulgence, capturing the magic of the season in every swirl. Topped with a playful dash of colorful sequin sprinkles, it’s a fun and sparkling celebration that will leave your space feeling merry and bright.

Top:  Strawberry, Sheer Blueberry Glaze
Middle: Vanilla Bean Swirl,  Raspberries
Base: Sweet, Cream, Musky, Powdery

SEA SALT + ORCHID

You are lying on the beach. Waves crash in the background while the soft, warm breeze brushes against your skin. White curtains dance in the wind. The experience is serene. You smell flowers and a restorative summer freshness, not unlike a wellness temple. “Sea Salt & Orchid” is an elegant blend of floral notes and salty highlights. Soothing hints of jasmine and lily of the valley come to life alongside classic aromas of wood and tonka bean.

Top: Sea Salt, Ozone
Middle: Jasmine, Lily of the Valley, Green Leaves
Base: Wood, Tonka Bean

COCONUT + CARDAMOM + CREAM

"A decadent fragrance, Coconut, Cardamom, and Cream begins with exotic curry and coconut notes, evoking sun-drenched lands. The heart blends creamy vanilla coconut, warm spices, and cardamom, adding a refined touch. A sweet, creamy base with musky and powdery undertones wraps up this gourmand and spicy fragrance, creating the cozy essence of a gourmet dessert."

Top: Curry, Coconut
Middle: Vanilla, Spices, Pepper, Cardamom
Base: Sweet, Cream, Musky, Powdery